26: LDS Advice to Young Men

Chuck So it looks like July will be another Mormon month for us here at Irreligiosophy. This week we discuss two articles given by Mormon leaders about the evils of masturbation and how to avoid hairy palms and blindness. Hilarity ensues when these old geezers strain their vocabulary trying to come up with polite euphemisms for choking the chicken, use metaphors like “little factories” to explain the function of testicles and why we have wet dreams, and even suggest wearing tight clothes to bed to avoid rubbing one out in a “semi-sleep condition.” Who even knew you could sin in a semi-sleep condition!

We discuss the strangeness of a couple of doddering old men whose testosterone levels likely barely register giving advice to hormonally charged youth right here.

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7 Responses to “26: LDS Advice to Young Men”

  1. Have you guys been listening to William Shunn’s “Accidental Terrorist” podcast? He’s an ex-Mormon SF writer who served a mission that went disastrously wrong…he also talked about this anti-masturbation tract.

    Chuck, your pull-up story is hilarious. Love the show!

  2. I haven’t listened to any “Accidental Terrorist” podcasts, but now I’m intrigued. In which episode does he discuss the masturbation article?

  3. Great pod-cast and as funny as hell.
    Keep it up guys,,
    I often wondered why wanking and sex for fun (Monty Python covered it well in “The meaning of life”) is such a facination for religions.good way to control with guilt and breed more believers.Then I thought about western religons and Buddhism.Seems the Dalai lama isn’t to keen on “beating the bishop” either.oh well.
    Got to go to, have an appointment at the opticians..Seems I need thicker glasses.And they can’t tell me why.
    Oh ,,and if your palms really do get hairy.Would that be good or bad ? anyway,,,high five guys.

  4. Two stories… They aren’t really about missionaries but “home teaching” sessions…..I had a friend whose parents would go and do their “home teachings” around their ward and this one lady’s 6 YEAR OLD SON came up to her and unbuttoned her shirt in the middle of them talking to her and proceeded to breastfeed. No class…. Don’t worry, when he was done he buttoned her shirt back up for her and went on playing. And the mother just sat there like it wasn’t a big deal……Then his parents were at a different house in their ward and the family offered them brownies to snack on during their discussion. After they finished up and were getting ready to leave the lady of the house asked them if they liked the brownies they had earlier. Although his parents thought the brownies had tasted strange, they said they enjoyed them very much. She seemed very relieved that they liked them so much and told them she hadn’t realized she didn’t have any milk until she was halfway through making them and used her very own breastmilk.

  5. Missionaries sound freaky enough,,,whats home teaching? And what has it to do with breastfeeding.Why does it have to be home taught by a 6 year old?(I guess a baby couldnt explain the process?)
    I’ll be round for tea and cookies shortly.
    Its funny,,I heard even the cookie monster off Sesame street eats fruit now and advocates sensible nutrition,,,
    Um actually ,,I would prefer a small savoury pastry.Dont like sweets.

  6. “Home teachings”, from my experience with Mormons, is when they go around to church members homes and try to guage their activity within the church by asking them questions about their lives, incorporating some kind of moral lesson into the discussion. It has nothing to do with breastfeeding…Lol!! It’s more or less just a way for elders who are active in the church to probe into non-active members’ lives and guilt them into becoming more active in the church. Quite the control mechanism if you ask me. Oh yeah, and the mean are called “Home Teachers” while the women are referred to as “Visiting Teachers”.

  7. Well,,i have been living here in Ireland for 4 years and have only had one Wowser at the door asking me if I have read the good book.
    Seems you all have busy weekends ,,,I would consider a revolving door and a large tray of cookies in the hallway.Not only have you got the missionaries but you have to deal with nosey buggers too.Shame,i could do with a bit of home schooling on the breast front of a Sunday.