[irrelig]Episode #51 is where we talk about the LDS church’s penchant for fortune-telling, in the form of a “patriarchal blessing” typically given at age 14. This blessing lays out the future life of the recipient. Unsurprisingly, it usually says the teenager will grow up to be a good Mormon.
Well, we dug up Leighton’s patriarchal blessing and we assess its accuracy, as well as compare and contrast to a few other patriarchal blessings we found floating around on the internet. And here it is.
31 Responses to “51: Leighton’s Patriarchal Blessing”
It’s always amazed me that when adults play make-believe they’re so unimaginative. Patriarchal blessings, horoscopes, ghosts… they almost always follow the same pattern.
Thanks for the shout-out guys! When I’m not trying to cure shit, I am making fun of religious people or PETA, or both!
Also, thanks for sharing Leighton.
I actually had a lot of things to say regarding this podcast, but it can be boiled down to this:
Leighton, if you can get belgian beers delivered in Utah, I’ll buy you a triple distilled one.
Since you said your next podcast will be on scientology I thought I would help
http://listverse.com/2008/01/28/top-10-evils-of-scientology/
This episode inspired me to dig out my patriarchal blessing. It’s pretty much identical to Leightons.
I’m becoming a huge fan of this show. Listening to new episodes at work has become my favorite part of the day! Most of my life I’ve felt like the odd woman out where religious belief is concerned so it’s fantastic to have regular aural proof that I’m not the only one out there with this philosophy, especially when the conversations are so interesting and entertaining.
This episode really illustrated the harm done to young people by all of these religious platitudes and sayings that they’re fed. Something that may seem harmless and comforting to an adult takes on entirely different meanings for children (often producing debilitating feelings of guilt and personal responsibility which are unrealistic) because they haven’t yet developed the ability to filter out the many alternate possibilities that these generalized directives allow for. Adults may still be taken in, but it is a double shame that young kids who haven’t yet developed a full sense of self are pushed towards these feelings of guilt and responsibility, all while being told exactly what kind of one-size-fits-all life they must lead regardless of what their specific personality or interests might otherwise guide them towards. Thank you for delving into that subject matter. I think it is certainly one of the larger social problems created by religious beliefs.
I can’t wait for the next episode! You are both AWESOME!
I grew up in a non-denominational Christian household and I got something similar to the “Patriarchal Blessing” but it was called “Powers and Principalities.” Basically, the Pastor prayed over me and “discerned” why kind of a person I was and what I was going to do in life. It was similar to the “Blessing” in that it was vague enough to to sound true, but also assumed that I would always be a “Soldier for Christ” or whatever.
–Jay Pea
You guys are like drug dealers. We need our next fix, man! You know we’re good for it!
Your credit isn’t good enough for us around here. We’re going to need cash up front before we give you your next fix. No worries though, we won’t even ask you where the cash came from.
Can I nominate Chris Buttars for the next skunk dick?
http://www.latimes.com/news/nation-and-world/la-na-utah-school15-2010feb15,0,906102.story
Senator Buttars is eyeing to cut 12th Grade and make it optional for students. Given the lack of critical thinking in Utah, it seems Utah needs MORE education, not less.
I’m thinking Chris Buttars might have gone beyond the level of skunk dick and entered a higher plane of dickery all together.
We need to re-define Buttars’ last name, like what was done with Rick “Man-On-Dog” Santorum.
http://www.spreadingsantorum.com/
I agree with Angry Budgie… I nominate your Utah senator for deciding that education was too expensive in this recession.
Yeah!
Your first Itunes review in Norway! And No Chuck, Norway is not the capitol of Sweden. Surprised you found your way trough the birth canal… Gave it 5 but you deserve 4. Couldnt live with the life of an asian child worker on my conscience.
Been an atheist all my life, and never read the bible, so Im learning alot here! Amazed how idiotic the bible is!
Norway is probably one of the least religious contries in the world. Please send some mormons to us so that we can finally free our hands from our dicks!
Cheers! Wish beer was this cheap in Norway!
Trygve (try to pronounce my name correctly dumbasses!)
“Kirk to Enterprise… where the hell is the next Irreligiosophy? The fate of the Federation depends on it!”
Chuck and Leighton are having difficulty beaming it on board the site it seems. Probably due to the unique magnetic signature found in the rocks that is shielding the transporter signal.
I need to work on my Star Trek Technobabble skills.
We’re working on reversing the polarity so we can beam it out of the deflector dish.
In other words, Leighton had finals this week.
Always laying the blame on me. You don’t even mention that we were prepared to do it the other day, but decided to attempt a “surprise” beginning. Don’t make me lay the smack down on your impatient asses.
We were ready to go today, too, but you suddenly had to “meet with the mechanic.”
I’ve never heard that euphemism for masturbation.
Excuse me, I’ve got to go “have a word with my pastor.”
what the hell? We pay you guys nothing and THIS is how you treat us? Unacceptable behavior guys….now excuse me I have to go throw the hamster against the wall
I, for one, am going to boycott. I will not listen to any new episodes until the next one comes out.
What the hell guys?!?! did you run out of Thai refugee children to write for you again?? damnit! i know its fun to punch Thai children but pace yourselves, you have at least three fans, ya don’t wanna lose them too!
Good luck with the finals Leighton.
Maybe a new tactic is needed. May we please have a new episode? Pretty please?(If you could see me–I am making big eyes and clasping my hands together)
I would be willing to perform certain… favors, for the early release of the next episode.
Chloe, that whole big eye begging thing only works if you bat your eyes. Seeing how you failed in this, I’m not sure we can reward you.
Dietrich, Charley’s married and I like girls(Charley is really woman-like which is where that attraction comes from) so Chloe would have a better chance of wrangling the early release/favor angle.
Have no fear though, the episode has already been recorded and there is even a new superhero stepping onto the scene. It’s not up yet because I’m sure Charley has deemed it more fulfilling to spend time with his wife and kids than with you all. Don’t worry though, in the loneliness I feel being a bachelor, I have determined that I will never give up on you, our fans. I will stalk your asses until my love overwhelms you with happiness and kills you…..I mean, we’ll be BFF’s always.
All right, maybe it’s late and I’ve been watching Carl:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpjyH-LkEAg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZUPCB9533Y&NR=1
I love the way forgiveness sounds.
I’m halfway through editing the podcast now, but sleep takes precedence. Good night!
Knowing that fix is on the way has eased my withdrawl symptoms. I think the guys need to be rewarded with a beer from now on if they get the show out in a timely fashion. We’ll go with a week. OK fellow fans if they get the show out once a week we each by them a beer? Anyone with me?
I am ill from withdraw…only another podcast can save me now! Without another podcast I shall wither and die!
Ditto these comments … this podcast is addictive. I hope you’ll cover Hassidic or Lebavitch Judaism at some point.
If you think a 15 minute Patriarchal Blessing is painful, try a Bar Mitzvah. Months of studying a Hebrew chant, half an hour of chanting in front of an audience, and not understanding a word of it …