[irrelig]So having dispensed with the historical backdrop of 7th century Arabia, we finish our (randomly-timed, not influenced by South Park at all) two-parter with a discussion of the Quran itself, crazy Islamic beliefs, and the status of women in Islam.

If you thought part one was crazy, get ready for multi-horned bovines standing on fish, propping up the earth and resting on angels with thousands of hands tipped with thousands of fingers, each a stinging serpent. Oh, and invisible genies. Give it a listen here.


24 Responses to “61: Islam, Part Dos”

  1. bukkakeface says:

    Can someone with artistic talent please illustrate what a giant cow standing on a giant fish tapdancing in a sea of other bullshit would actually look like?

  2. Awesome podcast! Um, I don’t know when the last time either of you visited a dorm but we have our own kind of burqa in America and it’s called a snuggie. I don’t know if you have ever seen someone you once found attractive in a snuggie but it works to totally shut down any sexual tension (especially when a guy wears it).

  3. Leighton says:

    Chloe, if a guy is wearing anything that can be referred to as a “snuggy” you’re dealing with more issues than just his attractiveness.

    The bigger issue is your mentioning “sexual tension”. I have proof that you’ve determined to be one of my subservient wives. I will force you to sit down in a very awkward and stupid meeting with a bishop to ensure your worthiness, but I will give you one hint; whenever you’re asked if you masturbate the answer is always no. You will be asked more than once in any meeting with a bishop.

  4. Good lord. I’m going to ban Leighton from the comments section.

  5. Queen of Hearts says:

    Thanks for the funny in informative podcast guys. The nicest, most generous people I have ever met during my many travels were Muslim, and I feel so bad that they have to live under the oppression of this superstitious and repetitive way of life. Like any religion, there are many loopholes which people think are perfectly fine. Mohammed said not to drink alcohol, but the vast majority of guys I met in Egypt and Morocco abused hashish and Heroin because the Quran doesn’t have any mention of it!

  6. Angry Budgie says:

    Ooooh e-drama! My favorite kind!

    I used to laugh at those stupid Snuggy commercials. Just get a blanket! Or make one yourself! The stuff to make them is cheap!….than I worked retail seasonally for some extra cash in this lovely stretch of unemployment I’m enduring. I sold more of those stupid snuggies, I was really shocked when I saw the snuggies for dogs. Yes Snuggy for your pets. So they too can turn each other off. Don’t neuter or spay your cat or dog. Just stick a snuggy on them.

    And only in Islam can you prevent getting the flu by washing your nose after you take a shit. Its so good someone should add it into the Word of Wisdom.

  7. Herb (12th Apostile) says:

    Jesus, Leighton. Get a room.

  8. I’m rather shocked talk of banning me hasn’t come up sooner. You all really need to take a closer look at your “decency meters”. I think they’re due for a tune-up.

    All I have to say is if snuggies are good enough for people then animals are entitled to them too. I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

  9. It’s the 21st century already! Where the hell is my flying building?! 😉

  10. somewhere in greece says:

    A great podcast. I had refrained from commenting on the content of the first part because I wanted to see if these issues would be address now-and they were!

    I would like to add a few things. I have read “The Satanic Verses” because I wanted to see what the fuss is about (and I am annoying like that). Basically, the premise is that all of the Koran was made up by Angel Gabriel who was punking Mohammad in the beginning, but ultimately he was trapped by Mohammad’s fervent desire to know the truth.

    More importantly, this episode took place during the psychotic episode of a schizophrenic, who in the beginning of the book was in an airplane that exploded mid-air, fell in the sea (with the other main character) and they both walked out of the water and onto the shore.

    Another prime example on how fundamentalists don’t actually read books. If anything, that book is more insulting to the british police.

    About women in Islam. Yes, under Mohammad they had more rights than they had before, but using 7nth century gender politics today is like using priests in masks against the plague (and the latter were more recent).

    Examples: On March 11nth, 2002, 15 Makkah schoolgirls were burned to death. They didn’t have their veils on, so the Saudi Religious Police didn’t let them exit the building and didn’t let the firemen enter it.

    The way women dress does not protect them from attacks as the 2006 Eid attacks have shown (sorry, the articles linked are in arabic, but through that blog you can find links to videos etc).

    Apparently, imams have no problems with Mut’ah marriage”, which is basically prostitution. It just that when you “rent” a woman, they pronounce you “married” to her, so it’s all good and proper

    Men, at least in Saudi Arabia, have a very strict dress code as well. They are supposed to wear white robes all the way to the ground, as it is better to have a filth hem than show your feet (more on that later). Also, the beard has to be the length of your fist.

    About depictions of Mohammad. he has been depicted in the past, even by Muslims, and there was none of that madness.

    More importantly, the Jyland Posten cartoons were published in the egyptian newspaper Al Fagr in October 2005, a whole four months before the issue exploded. What happened in the meantime? The Saudi Arabian government was criticised for the highest death toll in a Hajj in the past 16 years.

    Washing up. Muslims are supposed to wash face, nose, hands and feet before going into a mosque. Removing your shoes is mandatory before entering a mosque, and it makes sense because they are strewn with carpets and bringing in all the dirt from the streets would make them filthy very very quickly. But there is also the belief that the soles of the feet are unclean. It is very insulting to sit in front of a muslim with your legs crossed in such a way that the sole of your foot shows. also, you must not let your shoes lie around upside down because the sole of the shoe is insulting Allah.

    I would also want you to do a podcast on Mohammad’s wives (and one on Joseph Smith’s wives as well). Especially the story of Aisha is rife with controversy and not just because she was a child bride.

    I am sorry for going on and on. I realise that time is not sufficient to touch on all the subjects. Nevertheless, I learned a lot of new things and you managed to make it all entertaining.

  11. somewhere in greece says:

    Oh, and one more thing. In greek, we call the muslim faith “musulmanismos”. So Leighton, you weren’t that far off 🙂

  12. Moggie Magfeline says:

    Horny Cow, what a great episode. I know so much more about Muslimism now. I also finally understand why buildings like hospitals have “wings” and why it’s called Allahzheimer’s disease. I think I have also learned why a certain kind of rock is called “schist”. Thanks for the education guys!

  13. somewhere in greece says:

    I heard the podcast again. A detail I missed was about Sparta. Actually, the children deemed unfit to grow up strong were thrown off a cliff.

  14. Have you guys ever thought about devoting a podcast once a month to book/movie reviews? I just finished “The Great Derangement” by Matt Taibbi (it was awesome, he coughs up the demon of hand writing analysis).And I’m sure others have recommended books/movies, but it might be more research for you. I just need to know why evangelical christians are obsessed with Harry Potter.

  15. Everyone please remember: May 20 is the first annual “Everybody Draw Mohammed Day.”

    Send your anti-censorship cartoons to cacahprotest@gmail.com and they will be posted on that website.

    For you art lovers, here are some lovely renditions of the Prophet for your enjoyment: http://cacah-protest.blogspot.com/

  16. somewhere in greece says:

    @Chloe: That would be hilarious, although I do enjoy the religion-themed podcasts.

    As for Harry Potter, I suppose the problem evangelical christians have is the wizardry. Here is an excerpt from the documentary “Jesus Camp”.

    Or they are jealous of the universal appeal and success. Dunno.

    I have linked to Mark Read Twilight (So You Don’t Have To). He will start reading Harry Potter soon, and here is the link in case you are curious.

  17. @Somewhere in greece: I’ve seen Jesus Camp and it gave me nightmares that evangelicals would break in to my apartment and pour bottled water on me to wash me in the blood of the lamb. But I guess my bigger question is–why Harry Potter specifically? Why not Superman? Doesn’t he show that if there were a god we aren’t his chosen race? I can’t fly…

  18. Angry Budgie says:

    I remember as a kid a pastor who preached against the evils of Star Trek and Star Trek the Next Generation. I was probably six or seven and remember thinking…can this guy NOT tell fantasy from reality?

  19. somewhere in greece says:

    @ Chloe: My guess is it has to do with a) the mores of the time and b) novelty.

    Superman was first popular during a time when the great danger was communism and politics were heavily polarized. Since Superman was defending Truth, Freedom and The American Way (I think this was actually the motto in old Superman cartoons), it didn’t matter which planet he landed from,

    When comic books were attacked by Dr Werham in his “Seduction of the Innocent” book, the problem was posed as impressionable-youths-lured-in-by-imagery-of-how-the-world-actually-is-like-without-the-guys-in-spandex, but nevertheless, criminals can repent and their souls can be saved. And in any case, even classic tales are very violent, in spite of the glitter they were doused with, and the hypocrisy was evident.

    Harry Potter also talked about how the world really is like, albeit in a thought experiment that started with “:what if there *was* such a thing as magic?”. And since it was very new, and very popular, at a time when children had turned away from reading, it immediately because a threat to the evangelical Christians.

    (Note: Like I would let any child of mine in elementary school read the Bible. Lot and his daughters? Jacob and his wives? How the Samaritans ended up being outcasts? This is truly nightmarish)

    Basically, anything that is more popular than the Bible is a threat. Elvis Priestley was sent by Satan to tempt the innocent youths. Rock and roll was the Devil’s music. Alcohol was the Devil’s way of getting to you. Comics were around so long that they became part of the background noise but they were chased down thoroughly at their time. And let’s not forget the eternal popularity and eternal damnation of (enjoyable) sex.

  20. somewhere in greece says:

    @Angry Budgie. My sister’s Religion teacher when she was in junior high (if memory serves right) was insisting that Adam and Eve really existed and there is such a thing as witchcraft (with “real life” examples). The kids were openly pissing themselves laughing.

  21. Slcsnowbunny says:

    Leighton and chuck u both kn
    w ur wives/gf wear the snuggie and if they are anything like me their dogs we are them too great podcast

  22. Leighton says:

    somewhere in greece: My father still casts out evil spirits and my mother believes she can tell when someone is doing what is “wrong” because they lose their “glow”. It’s astonishing what archaic things people are willing to accept and believe in.

    Slcsnowbunny: You’re implying that a woman would actually have me. Hypothetically speaking, if I did run across a woman who was wearing a snuggie I may just break down and crawl in their with her. Bah, who am I kidding? Armed with a can of peanut butter I’d crawl into the snuggie with the dog. Other than that, I cannot fathom getting inside one.

  23. somewhere in greece says:

    @Leighton: I am certain you haven’t seen “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”, as casting out the evil eye is “normal” in the greek cultural package, with many variations in methods. Compared to the average greek grandmother, your father is a lightweight.

    As for knowing when someone has done something wrong, everyone who has spent a considerable amount of time among children can do that. Just by being the eldest cousin I have picked up part of the skill.

  24. Herb (12th Apostile) says:

    Leighton just can’t give up his sinning ways.