[irrelig]For the final segment discussing Kent Hovind’s paradigm-changing doctoral dissertation, we have brought on professional Hovindologist Matt Wakefield. Matt is an old friend of mine (going back to high school) who was actually one of our first guest interviews, but unfortunately the recorded footage somehow got corrupted (or I never pressed the record button). So here it is: chapter 4 of Hovind’s masterpiece on the nature of time.

36 Responses to “97: Kent Hovind Finale”

  1. Finally, a podcast!!!!

  2. OMG, my life now has meaning. Waiting for this for almost two weeks.

  3. Ironic Name says:

    At last! The DT’s have ceased. I knew sacrificing a child to Moloch would work!

  4. I have a friend who is a professional editor. I’m thinking about showing him the dissertation, but I’m afraid his head would explode.

  5. Metaman says:

    new listener and all i have too say is that you guys fucking rock

  6. Now that I have actually listened to it, I must confess. I laughed so hard, I pissed my pants. Not that much but I will be sitting behind my desk for the rest of the day. Great podcast and adding your new person, Matt Wakefield, really did make Leighton sound and look better.

  7. Gliblord says:

    Say what you want about good ol’ Dr. Hovind, but he knows how to cook spaghetti fucking hardcore.

  8. Moggie Magfeline says:

    I though this episode was grate
    It was really real worth the wait
    You 3 guys’ couldnt have do better
    The podcast didnt taste like cheddar
    You put a big smile on my face
    My laughter could be heard from out a space
    Thats were cosmic dust comes from
    And oil wells explode like a bom
    KVG sure earned her wage
    The earth is 6000 year;s of age
    Peeple don’t see infer read
    But God can Ive herd it said
    But blind people cant see yellow
    Like atheist’s can no see the big fellow
    Believe me Jesus is really real
    I wish hed call. Maybe we could share a meal.
    Evolution is an absolute joke
    I think my calculator broke
    You’re Hovindologists name was Matt
    Thats all I have to say about that
    Oil comes out just like spagetty
    Pumping up tyres make me sweaty
    My friends call me Mr Hovind
    They bring me rocks from the sea they have dove in
    God is outside space and time
    I like riting thing that rhyme
    I like asking questions too
    Isnt that grate? How bout you?
    The moon came out of from the Pacific
    Thats tentable, God is terrific.
    Comets proof the earth is young
    Coz of cosmic dust they brung
    For instance, some thing are ironic
    I do no believe in plate tatonics
    I do no have a reference list
    Some guys told me stuff, you get they jist
    I hope Ive peersuaded you
    That Jesus and God all is true
    To end this I would like to say
    Jesus was write. Have a literal nice day.

  9. Gliblord says:

    Great! Now sign this check and enjoy your doctorate.

  10. re making fun of Kent Hovind not knowing how many senses there are: Kent is a christian, just because there are more than 5 “entrances” to the brain doesn’t mean you should use those entrances. Even if many people do use those entrances and you can often see animals using them, that is not the way of god. God directs us only to use the five senses and only for the purposes of procreation.

  11. Moewicus says:

    Good podcast, but for some reason this Matt guy disappeared at some point and there were two Chucks and one Leighton. What gives? This is a very weird technique you guys are using. Flat out genius.

  12. Mr Saturday Nite says:

    I believe Jesus was right too. Fig trees suck!

  13. Dietrich says:

    That paper made me want to shoot somebody in the face.

  14. Rnegade87 says:

    Damn Moggie, you are by far the most dedicated fan.

  15. Discord.agent says:

    Not listening this week. Too busy. Suck it.

  16. Happy Birthday to Me, Happy Birthday to Me, Happy Birthday, dear TERRY, Happy Birthday to me….

  17. Moewicus says:

    Atheists work in mysterious ways, like highways.

    Has Mr. Smiles been neutered? It’s important to take care of that kind of thing. Tale care of Inchoul, too,while you’re at the Vet.

  18. Ironic Name says:

    LEAVE MR SMILES ALONE!!!!!!!!11one!

  19. I felt as thought i learned something today…. still trying to figure out what it was that i learned.

  20. Now that was a great podcast. I am still in shock that Kent Hovind actually got a “doctorate” for this bullshit.

  21. he has such a beautiful way with words

  22. Soulless Patter says:

    Just thought you guys would dig this. I read it all so you don’t have to:


  23. AngryBudgie says:

    I’m waiting to see what happens went Kent gets himself out of prison and discovers the whole world has read his masterpiece, and how he responds. Maybe he’ll write Kent Hovind’s Dissertation Strikes Back.

  24. He accuses anyone calling Patriot University a diploma mill of using ad hominems. Of course, he’d never sink that low, would he? 😉

  25. The poem almost killed me.

    Please tell me that Patriot University is not an accredited institution. Please.

  26. Discord.agent says:

    @Resin Christ
    From the official Patriot University website:
    “Patriot Bible University (as of October 2008) is accredited by the Accrediting Commission International. This accreditation is quality non-governmental Christian accreditation, that recognizes high standards of Biblical and academic training.”

  27. Discord.agent says:

    Hear is a look at the institution that gave Patriot University its accreditation:

    Here is an quote from the Accrediting Commission International web sight:
    “An accrediting organization is a “watchman on the wall”. Webster defines accreditation as to give trust or confidence to; to vouch for; to recommend; to furnish with credentials, as an envoy or ambassador. ”

    Looks like they pulled a Hovind.

  28. Matthew, Apostle of Christ & Gospel Writer, D.Irr says:

    He wrote a goddamn Dr. Seuss poem??? LMFAO

    Hey Kent, what do all your cellmates think about your poetry prowess? Does your Sugar Daddy give you extra special favors when you write him sweet little sonnets?

    Doctor Dinosaur my ass.

  29. Dear God, he’s like a demented St. Augustine on pot. It really says something about the Christians, doesn’t it? Once they produced philosophers like Augustine and Thomas Aquinas. Today they produce Kent Hovind.

  30. Gurthanthaclops says:

    Kind of sad now that all of the Hovind shit is over 🙁
    I hope that you find his masters thesis

  31. Discord.agent says:

    Now you guys should go over Mr. Hovind’s lectures. He has some great material on podcasts.

  32. Matthew, Apostle of Christ & Gospel Writer, D.Irr says:

    @Discord.agent Yes his lectures are definitely award-winning material, chock full of stupid humor (“That’s not my wife. It’s a photo of my wife.”) as well as blatant ignorance of science and outright lies.

    One of the most fascinating aspects of a Hovind lecture is the blank stares and content smiles on the faces of his zombie audience. They just soak it up like a sponge, obligatory chuckles here and there, and not one of them has the balls or the intellectual wherewithal to call bullshit.

  33. Here’s my proposal. Retype the thing with mistakes and all, but change the name and location. Then give it to a high school English teacher.

  34. Are we all absolutely sure that this thing is Hovind’s work and we haven’t all been Poe’d?

  35. I wrote better essays than that crap when I was 15? And you’re telling me this was ‘proofread’ by someone? Really? Someone literate? In all honesty he shouldn’t be ashamed of getting a degree from a diploma mill (the only place where he could), but the diploma mill should be ashamed of themselves for being associated with him. It cheapens they’re name.

    In the inimitable words of Truman Capote “That’s not writing, that’s just typing.”

  36. I just got around to listening to this podcast today and I am not sure if I was listening to a dissertation or a reject from the Dr. Seuss collection. Holy Shit! I think I broke my giggle box…