From Gregorian chants to liturgical dance to Satan’s hands down Katy Perry’s pants, in this episode Joemma take you through a very condensed and somewhat whimsical history of Christian Music.
Interspersed between the two of us crapping on, you will be treated to the aural pleasures of praise to Jesus in various guises including hymns, carols, CCM, (C)rock and (C)rap. And, of course how could we forget the Satanic messages that only become apparent when you play songs backwards.
The episode culminates with the world premiere announcement that Joemma will be forming a Christian Metal Band, whose name we are sure you will appreciate.
Turn it up to 11 and enjoy.
Joemma
20 Responses to “Episode C#: Christian Music”
Huh, this replaced another podcast file in my directory. Was this named correctly? 😛
Someone running the website just put last weeks show under this link.
Someone running the web site is an idiot.
A correct link is provided until someone running the web site can fix the link in the post:
http://www.irreligiosophy.com/podcasts/2ndlaw/2L_009.mp3
I actually think that the whole Catholic mass used to be sung. I’m not sure when they changed it, but I think it was during the early modern period, maybe under the influence of Protestantism. In any case, churches that use the Byzantine rite still sing or chant basically everything, which is pretty awesome and definitely more interesting than lame contemporary Christian stuff.
@ kez. You’ve just given me an idea. When we do our ep. on The Catholic Mass, we may sing the whole episode.
Gods damn you JoEmma for playing the Amy Grant “Every Heartbeat” song. I remember listening to it as a teenager thinking Amy Grant was hot.
So after your revelation about it being about Jesus, I went looked up the lyrics and had the same “tingling” feeling that I used to get when I read the Bible and said Bible versus. .
Being confused, I asked my girlfriend what was happening to me. She said “I must be gay for Jesus”.
NNNNNNNOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooo!!!
If you want my gayness to infect you… read the following. (don’t worry, you can pray the gay away later)
Hear me speak what’s on my mind
Let me give this testimony
Reaffirm that you will find
That you are my one and only.
No exception to this rule
I’m simple but I’m no fool
I’ve got a witness happy to say
Every hour, every day.
Every heartbeat bears your name
Loud and clear they stake my claim
My red blood runs true blue
And every heartbeat belongs to you……..
If you want crazy christian and the music industry, for your viewing pleasure ( and by that I mean if you are a masochist), please look at the following:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXG2du8nowc
The only Christian song I can remember, barely.
Oh, Jesus Christ All ‘Mighty
A mouse ran up my nighty
It bit my tit and made me shit
Jesus Christ All Mighty
Did anyone else sing “my sweet forsaken satan, satan” in the shower after listening to this? Because I did.
I actually kind of liked a lot of things songs. Perhaps I have gone traitor?
great, now I’m gay for Jesus.
Half way through the episode. I just wanted to link to White Wine in the Sun by Tim Minchin as an example of a secular Australian Christmas Carol.
I liked the “My sweet forsaken Satan” song a lot better than the original. Also, listen to the original song dedicated to sweet Satan: Stairway to Heaven. “Here’s to my sweet Satan. The one whose little path would make us sad, whose power is Satan. He’ll give those with him 666. There was a little toolshed where he made us suffer, sad Satan.”
I am really curious about that toolshed now.
Just a few random thoughts on the episode:
– When I was a young kid in the late Fifties/early Sixties, Catholic masses were in Latin, and a lot of it was sung. The priest would chant something, and the congregation would respond.
– When Catholic schoolboys sing “He touched me”, it takes on a whole new meaning.
– They’re not saying “My sweet forsaken Satan, Satan”. They’re saying “My sweet foreskin’s stankin’, stankin'”.
Does anyone remember a horrible album of songs about the sacraments? It was played over and over by my first grade nun, then again by my senile seventh grade nun (even though its target age group was five). I remember these lyrics from a song extolling the virtues of Catholic priests:
Father baptised us when we were small
He’ll bless and assist at marriage
He’s like Christ and how do I know?
Holy Orders made him so
I’d make up a parody, but it’s getting late. But if you want to try your hand at it, I’ll give you the first line: “Father buttfucked us when we were small”. Okay, have at it…
My Little (satanic) Pony? I think that makes the little marshmallow equines 20% cooler.
What, no mention of JPUSA and Rez band? No Stryper? No “The Altar Boys used to smoke up before going on stage”? No “The original singer for WhiteHeart was a pedophile”?
Sweet Jeebus in a chicken basket guys!
Lol I didn’t know any of that. I think we’ll make a new policy in order to get more fan participation in episodes (and make better episodes in general), we’ll always think up the topics a week in advance and post it up on the forum.
Better episodes? Not possible.