2.17: The Conjuring

Oh man, Ed and Lorraine Warren are at it again. These two nice, honest, and not at all charlatany monster hunters are just out and about, lecturing people about ghostology and giving helpful pro-tips to avoid getting anally raped by demons. This time, however, it’s not demons who are to blame but a witch! And not just any witch, but a descendant of a witch convicted by that ever-so-rational body of inquiry, the Salem Witch Trials. So you know it’s true.

Also, skunk dicks and iTunes reviews.

22 Responses to “2.17: The Conjuring”

  1. silverharbinger says:

    Two more days till Halloween. Halloween. Halloween. Two more days till Halloween.

    Silver Shamrock!

    Just to stay on some kind of topic, I’ve come to realize a reason some people love the bible so much. It’s the same reason some people love to follow someone who is crazy. They don’t understand them, they don’t know what they’ll do next, and it’s always something to talk about. God is like a train wreck, an abusive spouse, and a loving hurricane. It represents the nuttiest aspects of what we are, and some people feel the need to make it seem like it’s pure sunshine no matter what it does to their car in another drunken bender.

    The “mystery” is drama. I think I’ve finally solved it.

    Now it’s time kids. Gather ’round, and put on your masks.

  2. Herb (Apostle 2.0) says:

    This episode kicked some anally raped ass!

    When the toy was added to the “demonic” stash of shit Ed and Lorraine stole from all those people, I knew this would be the device used to setup the sequels. The producers had to be thinking: If this movie is a success (which it was) we have a whole room of creepy shit to keep this franchise rolling. It pisses me off to know that those two charlatans are beiing immortalized as real-life superheroes.

    That said, I agree with Matt; there are some genuinely scary moments in this film and it is fairly well directed and acted. The whole movie could have been saved simply by replacing the “Based on true events” preamble with the more suitable, “Once upon a time…”

    (Btw: I have enjoyed the Gospel episodes. I’ve learned a shit ton from going through these with you. I feel armed to the teeth should I need to fend off a pesky Christian or two.)

  3. silverharbinger says:

    I’ve had the pleasure of working with a couple of ghost hunters in my life. One was the more skeptical type, the other only claimed to be just like Chuck was saying about Ed and Lorraiane. The Warrens probably were/are charlatans, but anyone who runs an occult objects museum automatically has some suspect impartiality creds IMO.

    It’s funny how there is all of this absence of real evidence for demons, ghosts, succubae, etc., and yet there are all of these “rules” governing their behavior. Having talked with the above mentioned ghost hunters, their rules governing the mechanics of possession were different from the ones mentioned in the podcast.

    Just like everything else in the “spiritual” realm, there appear to be denominational beliefs. 🙂

  4. I just realized this wasn’t the first podcast I’ve listened to this week featuring the audio with the guy saying his daughter won’t get a job.

    I’m doing well in life.

  5. Another excellent podcast. Happy to hear of your lack of Halloween related business failures!

    I have to admit, as a child I was a fan of the Warrens and read their books and found them scary. Also, they were inappropriate for a child. Did you know that necrophilia can lead to demon possession? That was one of their cases. I hope that’s the one they make for the sequel to The Conjuring.

    Enjoy your vacation. Make sure you leave anti-gay notes for tips at every restaurant you visit. Not only will you be saving money, but you’ll be making Christians look like dicks.

  6. Chuck speaks the truth… These episodes are fucking awesome. The fault is clearly with Avadon S. He should look within himself to find the real cause of his issues with the One True Podcast…

    BTW, I’m curious about this rabbit pelt idea… Do you kill the rabbit first?

  7. franky jones says:

    My dear friend Matt, for your knowledge, El Salvador is the name of the country. San Salvador is the name of the capital, not the name of the whole country. FYI.

  8. You are absolutely correct. At some point I knew I mixed it up and the I figured Chuck would correct me BUT HE NEVER DID! So really, it’s all Chucks fault.

  9. Herb (Apostle 2.0) says:

    Matt – In the prime version of this podcast, Chuck proved to be geographically challenged. He had problems distinguishing Switzerland from Sweden. Therefore, I would not rely on Chuck in such matters.

  10. Chuck is playing the long game. He could have corrected you and made you look stupid right away, but he let it stand, now it just looks like you don’t know what you’re talking about.

  11. Why did the Warren’s keep all that crap in their basement? It’s like the old saying. “Keep your enemies close and your cursed artifacts closer.”

  12. Fivegoldenrats says:

    Chuck did say El Salvador before he started the voting machine. I guess he only have problem with Sweden/Switzerland. But since I am so nice, I will give him a hint: Sweden is the penis in EU. http://satwcomic.com/geography-joke

  13. All this time, I was blaming that smell on the dog.

  14. I get all my monster info from the Van Richten’s Guides.

  15. Any idea when the next podcast is coming out?? Think of it as an early christmas present…..

  16. Waitaminit. Where’s this video of Jesus casting demons out a guy’s anus? I tried looking that one up. For godssake post the link. Great job, by the way. Loved this show.

  17. And that’s why you get such a fowl smell during demonic infestations. And you hear pig noises. At least according to the Warrens.

  18. That was f-kin’ great! If-kin’ loved that! Thanks to f-kin’ Fivegoldenrats for posting!!

  19. Jesus Fucking Christ On Fire – Where’s the Next Podcast – Junkie Wants My JUNK

  20. There’s a Catholic priest comes around once a month to bless the place? My guess is he spends some quality time with the kid as well.